Life is good at Bingham's Bagel Deli. The loathed customers are dealt the poor treatment they seem to deserve, bad rap music is played loudly, and The Rat is killed often enough to stem his immortality. And the insane homeless regulars -- like drunken Little Johnny Redbeard -- keep life interesting. But when a rival tricks the crew into thinking that the deli's closure is imminent, they do the only logical thing: instead of giving up, they decide to go out in a blaze of glory, handing their customers the humiliation and abuse that the pesky social contract had previously forbidden. But as insults turn to assaults and snide remarks turn to harassment and pro wrestling moves, a strange thing happens. Business goes up -- way up -- as people come back in droves, begging for more. But the flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long, and as pop-culture welcomes the parody musical group "The Bialy Pimps" and its frivolous merchandising machine -- and as the crew pushes to see how much bad behavior society will accept -- the violent road to fame begins to feel like a runaway train, out of control and headed for destruction… The Bialy Pimps is a tale that could only be spun by the twisted, vaguely profane mind of outspoken blogger Johnny B. Truant. Combining hilarity with questions about conformity and whether the tail or the dog is the one doing the wagging, this story can't help but raise a question for the reader: If the rest of your friends decided to submit to the Face-Kicking Machine, would you do it too?

The Bialy Pimps

Literature & Fiction

Truant, Johnny B.

Humor & Satire

CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

This 250,000-word "full saga" collection includes ALL NINE BOOKS in the Unicorn Western Series! Cast out from the magical kingdom of The Realm and into the dying desert of the Sands beyond, Marshal Clint Gulliver and his unicorn Edward have finally found peace in the small and dusty town of Solace. But when both the fracturing worlds and Clint’s bride-to-be are thrust into peril by an old foe, the gunslinger must come out of retirement and aim his seven-shooters at the dark magic and those who bring it. An epic quest hurls marshal and unicorn across the endless desert in pursuit of the dark rider Dharma Kold and his unicorn of a different color, where they must battle their way back toward The Realm to uncover the truth...and mayhap save the worlds that hang in the balance. From the creators of Yesterday’s Gone (Platt) and Fat Vampire (Truant) comes this reinvention of both the western genre and unicorn lore. Written for children and teens — but complex and awesome enough for adult readers — Unicorn Western is “Harry Potter without wizards but with gunslings, talking unicorns, epic fights, and more turkey pie.” Get the ebook of this book for free through Kindle Matchbook when you buy the paperback!

Unicorn Western: :Full Saga

Platt, Sean

Genre Fiction

PRAISE FOR FAT VAMPIRE "Truly original and a very fun, witty take on the "done to death" vampire story." "If Eric Northman ever gets staked, Reginald Baskin will be my new favorite vampire." "Got the book just before bed... Next thing I knew it was the wee hours of the night... It was impossible to put down." +++++ When overweight treadmill salesman Reginald Baskin finally meets a co-worker who doesn't make fun of him, it's just his own bad luck that tech guy Maurice turns out to be a two thousand-year-old vampire. And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it's just Reginald's own further bad luck that he wakes up to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever born, doomed to "heal" to his corpulent self for all of eternity. As Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire -- too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead -- he discovers in himself rare powers that few vampires have… and just in time too, because the Vampire Council might just want his head for being an inferior representative of their race. Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife's lemons into tasty lemon danishes.

Fat Vampire

Johnny B Truant

The story of Reginald -- the world's slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire -- continues in this second installment of the FAT VAMPIRE series… +++++ It's been six months since fast-food-addicted Reginald Baskin was turned into a vampire too fat to live peacefully amongst the glamorous undead -- six months in which Reginald and his two-thousand-year-old maker Maurice have learned that power doesn't equal popularity. Sure, Maurice is now calling the shots, but the Council is up to new and dirty tricks, threatening to once again upset the balance… But when the Vampire Nation faces genocidal violence at the hands of an unstoppable force and the very future of vampirekind is threatened, Reginald, Maurice, and Nikki must find their allies elsewhere… buried deep underground in a foreign land.

Fat Vampire 2: Tastes Like Chicken

The story of Reginald -- the world's slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire -- continues in this fourth installment of the FAT VAMPIRE series… +++++ Following Maurice's near-assassination and the overthrow of the American Vampire Council, Reginald, Maurice, and Nikki have fled to Luxembourg, where they've taken refuge under the protection of Karl Stromm and the EU Council. Things in America have continued towards chaos with no end in sight, ... but then just in time, a new leader appears, ready to restore order, and to avoid the human-vampire war that seems inches from explosion. Things are soon on the mend, but a dangerous faction seems determined to upset the fragile balance, plunging the world's vampires into a war on two fronts -- with a deadly and prepared human force on one side and the vampires' very creators on the other. And in the middle, one fat undead guy fights to be a voice of reason, eating blood-soaked pizza all the while.

Fat Vampire 4: Harder Better Fatter Stronger

The story of Reginald -- the world's slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire -- continues in the fifth and penultimate installment of the FAT VAMPIRE series… +++++ The new vampire president and his genocidal right-hand man have been playing a dangerous game with the humans over the past six months. In the public eye, the two races appear to be at peace... but the situation below the surface is hot enough to boil. And while the untrusting humans mass their defenses, vampire armies have been building to match them -- with plans to exterminate the planet's current inhabitants, saving only a handful of blood slaves. Reginald, Nikki, Maurice, and the others bunkered in at Maurice's estate, meanwhile, have found themselves in the middle of a no-win scenario. Is it better to fight with the fanged armies in the vampire revolution? Or should they turn traitors -- and risk extermination by their makers -- in order to protect the humans? But just as the cold war outside is about to turn hot, Reginald's unmatched vampire brain reveals the existence of an artifact that could predict the outcome of the coming war -- and maybe even a way to stop it. The only problem is that nobody knows where the artifact is... and when full-fledged war then breaks out and mass slaughter begins on both sides, it seems that time may have run out. Fat Vampire 5 is the biggest, bloodiest, most snack-filled installment in the Fat Vampire series so far, and sets the stage for the sixth book's epic series-ender -- a conclusion so big you'll want to unbuckle your belt and push back from the dinner table.

Fat Vampire 5: Fatpocalypse

The story of Reginald -- the world's slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire -- continues in this final installment of the FAT VAMPIRE series… Forty years have passed since the end of the vampire/human war, and life is good. Vampires have taken over the planet and have settled in, making themselves comfortable in the infrastructure their predecessors built... making just a few adjustments to ensure a permanent night. Humans are still around (tightly controlled, of course), because the alpha species needs to eat. But even after four decades of peace, Reginald can't shake his conviction that the war never really ended -- that the archive he holds in his blood still warns of an ominous change on the horizon. As old foes rise, the power structures of both races begin to falter and the very existence of life on Earth (both hot-blooded and undead) hangs in the balance. Reginald Baskin -- always an outcast, always neglected -- may be the only chance to save it. As Reginald steps into his destined role as a leader, he faces a startling realization that even he never saw coming... but after forty years of hate and violence, his solution may have come too late. The humans have developed new and frightening weapons, and they aren't afraid to use them -- even if it could mean the end of everything -- because in a world ruled by monsters, humanity has nothing left to lose. Fat Vampire 6: Survival of the Fattest marks the last chapter in the Fat Vampire saga. So belly up to the bar and loosen your belt, because the final course will fill you to bursting.

Fat Vampire 6: Survival of the Fattest

In 2013, Johnny B. Truant and Sean Platt published 1.5 million words and made their full-time livings as indie authors. In Write. Publish. Repeat., they tell you how exactly how they did it: how they created over 15 independent franchises across 50+ published works, how they turned their art into a logical, sustainable business, and how any independent author can do the same to build a sustainable, profitable career with their writing. Write. Publish. Repeat. explains the current self-publishing landscape and covers the truths and myths about what it means to be an indie author now and in the foreseeable future. It explains how to create books your readers will love and will want to return to again and again. Write. Publish. Repeat. details expert methods for building story worlds, characters, and plots, understanding your market (right down to your ideal reader), using the best tools possible to capture your draft, and explains proven best practices for editing. The book also discusses covers, titles, formatting, pricing, and publishing to multiple platforms, plus a bit on getting your books into print (and why that might not be a good idea!). But most importantly, Write. Publish. Repeat. details the psychology-driven marketing plan that Sean and Johnny built to shape their stories into "products" that readers couldn't help but be drawn into -- thus almost automatically generating sales -- and explores ways that smart, business-minded writers can do the same to future-proof their careers. This book is not a formula with an easy path to follow. It is a guidebook that will help you build a successful indie publishing career, no matter what type of writer you are... so long as you're the type who's willing to do the work.

Write. Publish. Repeat.: The No-Luck-Required, Guide to Self-Publishing Success

Reference

Writing, Research & Publishing Guides

Realm & Sands

Part hero's journey, part crash course in storytelling by the modern mavericks of indie publishing, and the bestselling authors of Write. Publish. Repeat., Fiction Unboxed offers something that's never been offered before: a naked look into two writer's process, as they wrote and published a book in 30 days, from scratch, in front of the world. In 2013 Sean Platt &amp; Johnny B. Truant wrote and published 1.5 million words (a Harry Potter series and a half worth of fiction). The next year they showed the world how they did it. In May 2014, Johnny and Sean, along with their third partner David Wright, launched a Kickstarter campaign to see if their fans wanted to see how they wrote behind closed doors. They promised to start their newest project without knowing their story, characters, or even their genre, and publish the final draft before their 30 days were up. They promised to capture every email, every story meeting, and every word from every draft. They promised to show every molecule of their process, warts and all. They had 30 days for their fans to green light the campaign. It fully funded in 11 hours. Fiction Unboxed is as revealing as it is inspiring, empowering readers and writers as much as it will entertain them. With actionable advice that will benefit any writer, this book is a true gem for anyone who loves a well told story.

Fiction Unboxed: How Two Authors Wrote and Published a Book in 30 Days, From Scratch, In Front of the World

Self-Help

Creativity

Sterling and Stone

Write. Publish. Repeat. The No-Luck-Required Guide to Publishing In 2013, Johnny B. Truant and Sean Platt published 1.5 million words and made their full-time livings as indie authors. In Write. Publish. Repeat., they tell you exactly how they did it: how they created over 15 independent franchises across 50+ published works, how they turned their art into a logical, sustainable business, and how any independent author can do the same to build a sustainable, profitable career with their writing. Write. Publish. Repeat. explains the current self-publishing landscape and covers the truths and myths about what it means to be an indie author now and in the foreseeable future. It explains how to create books your readers will love and will want to return to again and again. Write. Publish. Repeat. details expert methods for building story worlds, characters, and plots, understanding your market (right down to your ideal reader), using the best tools possible to capture your draft, and explains proven best practices for editing. The book also discusses covers, titles, formatting, pricing, and publishing to multiple platforms, plus a bit on getting your books into print (and why that might not be a good idea!). But most importantly, Write. Publish. Repeat. details the psychology-driven marketing plan that Sean and Johnny built to shape their stories into "products" that readers couldn't help but be drawn into -- thus almost automatically generating sales -- and explores ways that smart, business-minded writers can do the same to future-proof their careers. This book is not a formula with an easy path to follow. It is a guidebook that will help you build a successful indie publishing career, no matter what type of writer you are ... so long as you're the type who's willing to do the work. ˃˃˃ What Indie Authors and Thought Leaders Are Saying: "Two of the best in the biz... A gem for aspiring authors." -- Hugh Howey "I have a pretty popular blog on self-publishing, and I've written a couple of books on the topic myself - meaning I've read a lot on the topic and come across lots of different strategies and approaches to building a loyal audience. For my money, this is the best book on self-publishing out there." -- David Gaughran "It's tough to find more honest and straight-forward marketing advice than what you'll get from these indie authors." -- Jane Friedman, former publisher of Writer's Digest "The most important book on self-publishing I've ever read. " -- Karol Gajda "Consider it the most valuable guide book to publishing success." -- Jim Kukral, Author Marketing Club You'll Wish You Could Have Read it Years Ago!

Write. Publish. Repeat.: The No-Luck-Required Guide to Self-Publishing Success

WRIGHT, DAVID

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