The Onion's Finest News Reporting, Volume I

Humor & Entertainment

Dikkers, Scott

THE ONION

Humor

Random House Audio |

One CD / 90 minutes\nEveryone who follows the news and has a sense of humor won't be able to resist The Onion's Finest News Reporting, Volume 1. After all, who wants to be left out of the loop on such important stories as these?\n--Clinton Deploys Vowels to Bosnia: Operation Vowel Storn Will Make Countless Bosnian Names More Pronounceable 
--Jesus Christ Returns to NBA 
--Microsoft Patents Ones, Zeroes 
--I Can't Stand My Filthy Hippy Owner, by Thunder the Ferret\nThe two million people who log on to The Onion web site each month, the 360,000 readers of The Onion weekly newspaper, all the readers who made Our Dumb Century a bestseller are sure to make this audiobook a huge success.

The Onion has quickly become the world's most popular humor publication, misinforming half a million readers a week with one-of-a-kind social satire both in print (on newsstands nationwide) and online from its remote office in Madison, Wisconsin. Witness the march of history as Editor-in-Chief Scott Dikkers and The Onion's award-winning writing staff present the twentieth century like you've never seen it before.

Our Dumb Century: The Onion Presents 100 Years of Headlines from America's Finest News Source

Loew, Mike

Onion, The

Three Rivers Press

The Onion is the world's most popular humor periodical. Its first book, Our Dumb Century, was a New York Times #1 best-seller and winner of the 1999 Thurber Prize for American Humor. Now The Onion returns with Volume One of the paper's greatest, most hard-hitting stories, including: --Clinton Deploys Vowels to Bosnia: Operation Vowel Storm Will Make Countless Bosnian Names More Pronounceable --Jesus Christ Returns to NBA --Microsoft Patents Ones, Zeroes --I Can't Stand My Filthy Hippy Owner by Thunder the Ferret

The Onion's Finest News Reporting, Volume 1

Siegel, Robert

Five books after the popular comic strip Jim's Journal was first bound, we now present The Pretty Good Jim's Journal Treasury-and it's okay. Actually, this collection is much more than okay. Comprehensive, featuring Jim's life as it progressed (or not) through his first five books, this special edition contains previously unpublished material including Jim in living color. No longer in syndication, the complete works of Jim's Journal will be a definitive must-have collection. College students rave about Jim's Journal, making it one of the most popular Generation X-oriented strips in history. Readers have grown along with Jim, as he moved from copy-store to grocery-store clerk, feigned interest in stamp collecting, faced frequent harassment from phone companies wanting him to switch his long distance service, and finally got married. From the beginning, Jim's message has been "Aren't comics dumb-even this one?" Yet even though it pokes fun at itself, the strip extols the virtues of a slacker lifestyle: Jim has a menial job, a cat, and a few friends. He doesn't do much. In fact, Jim's Journal was slacker before slacker was cool. Postmodern and minimalist, the quirky Jim's Journal has been featured inThe book collections I Went to College and it was okay; I Got a Job and it wasn't that bad; I Made Some Brownies and they were pretty good; I Got Married if you can believe that; and I Feel Like a Grown-up Now. In this jam-packed Pretty Good Jim's Journal Treasury, readers will find the same understated and unpredictable style.

The Pretty Good Jim's Journal Treasury: The Definitive Collection of Every Published Cartoon

Comics & Graphic Novels

Comic Strips

Andrews McMeel Publishing

You Are Worthless is the self-help book from hell. This bracing blast of negativity takes aim at the impossibly cheerful "inspirational self-help" books flooding the market and hits the bullseye, with chapters such as "Your Good-for-Nothing Friends," "Your Miserable Job," and "Life: What's the Use?" 
This hilarious parody collects hundreds of tidbits of painful reality such as "You're no good, you're not great-looking, and you're going to die someday and it's probably going to hurt." Who among us isn't sick to death of the gushy, new-agey inspirational books that blindly assert that everyone is worthy? We all know the truth, and this book is as refreshing as a slap to the face. 
Just some of the depressingly humorous nuggets of truth include:* You don't really have any outstanding qualities. It's safe to say you're pretty much just like everybody else.* The only reason your pet likes you is because you feed it.* As you get older, you are going to have less and less control over your bladder.* If you take a big risk and follow your dream, chances are you're going to fall flat on your face. 
You Are Worthless also features a section called "Hopeless Role Models from History," including Helen Keller ("I've had it"), and Abraham Lincoln ("Theonly thing I'm good at is losing").

You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day

In Destined for Destiny, George W. Bush offers readers an intimate, plainspoken, and often readable look at the character-shaping achievements that led to his inevitable rise to the office of President of the United States.
Written from the heart, not from the brain, this definitive autobiography takes readers on a journey through the 43rd President's life, including his hardscrabble beginnings as the child of West Texas oil millionaires, the remarkable academic performance that earned him entry into the finest East Coast schools, and his proud service to the country as an occasional member of the National Guard sometime around 1972 or 1973.
He proudly recounts his years as a successful oil-business failure and the owner of a baseball team. He even dares to dream the ultimate dream: to become Commissioner of Baseball.
The great man we meet here displays his mother's steely resolve and vindictive temper, his father's keen mastery of language, and his own unique gift of deciding.
His gripping life story deepens when a faith in God hits him one day "like a bottle of Jack on an empty stomach," and he has an encounter with the Prince of Peace that sets George W. Bush on a path to become the greatest War President in history.
To help craft this lasting account of his life and leadership, George W. Bush turned to two writers who have earned not only his trust but his deep friendship: Scott Dikkers, editor-in-chief of The Onion and coauthor of the #1 bestseller Our Dumb Century, and Peter Hilleren, former producer for public radio and some of the nation's finest public-access cable-television stations. Dikkers and Hilleren call on their finely honed journalism expertise every week to write and record the President's weekly radio address on WeeklyRadioAddress.com. Their work on such stirring addresses as "June Terror Update" and "The Pope Is Dead" made them the ideal choice to meet the challenge of chronicling the visionary mark left on history by its shining light, President George W. Bush.
* * *
Free from all the filters, handlers, and facts . . .
I tell the untold story of my inspirational life. You will struggle with me in my strugglesome youth. During the Vietnam War, you will be right there at my side as I face down the terrible enemy of my sinful partying. Together, we will meet and fall head over heels for the love of my life -- Jesus. And through me you will become a beloved, terror-fighting hero in the greatest hour of my presidency, September 11, 2001.
I embarked upon this important and historical work against the advice of my advisors. Come what may, I wanted you to hear my story from me, in my own talking.
God bless,
George W. Bush

Destined for Destiny: The Unauthorized Autobiography of George W. Bush

Hilleren, Peter

Scribner

In Destined for Destiny, George W. Bush offers readers an intimate, plainspoken, and often readable look at the character-shaping achievements that led to his inevitable rise to the office of President of the United States. Written from the heart, not from the brain, this definitive autobiography takes readers on a journey through the 43rd President's life, including his hardscrabble beginnings as the child of West Texas oil millionaires, the remarkable academic performance that earned him entry into the finest East Coast schools, and his proud service to the country as an occasional member of the National Guard sometime around 1972 or 1973. He proudly recounts his years as a successful oil-business failure and the owner of a baseball team. He even dares to dream the ultimate dream: to become Commissioner of Baseball. The great man we meet here displays his mother's steely resolve and vindictive temper, his father's keen mastery of language, and his own unique gift of deciding. His gripping life story deepens when a faith in God hits him one day "like a bottle of Jack on an empty stomach" and he has an encounter with the Prince of Peace that sets George W. Bush on a path to become the greatest War President in history. To help craft this lasting account of his life and leadership, George W. Bush turned to two writers who have earned not only his trust but his deep friendship: Scott Dikkers, editor-in-chief of The Onion and coauthor of the #1 bestseller Our Dumb Century, and Peter Hilleren, former producer for public radio and some of the nation's finest public-access cable-television stations. Dikkers and Hilleren call on their finely honed journalism expertise every week to write and record the President's weekly radio address on WeeklyRadioAddress.com. Their work on such stirring addresses as "June Terror Update"

The law of averages would suggest that at some point in your life someone has referred to you as "that idiot". The blast of negativity in this book hits hard with chapters such as "Your Good-for-nothing Friends", "Your Miserable Job" and "Life: What's the Use?"

Boxtree Ltd.

Fourth in the popular cartoon series, I Got Married if you can believe that joins Jim's other titles, I Went to College and it was okay, I Made Some Brownies and they were pretty good, and I Got a Job and it wasn't that bad, further recounting the non-adventures of "Jim," a blase copy clerk to whom nothing ever happens. Jim's Journal appears in more than 200 college newspapers.

I Got Married If You Can Believe That

See the best price to sell, buy, or rent books by Dikkers, Scott. BookScouter helps to compare book prices from 25+ online bookstores and 30+ buyback vendors with a single search.

Books by Dikkers, Scott

See the best price to sell, buy, or rent books by Dikkers, Scott. BookScouter helps to compare book prices from 25+ online bookstores and 30+ buyback vendors with a single search.

The Onion's Finest News Reporting, Volume I

The Onion's Finest News Reporting, Volume I

Our Dumb Century: The Onion Presents 100 Years of Headlines from America's Finest News Source

The Onion's Finest News Reporting, Volume 1

The Pretty Good Jim's Journal Treasury: The Definitive Collection of Every Published Cartoon

You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day

Destined for Destiny: The Unauthorized Autobiography of George W. Bush

Destined for Destiny: The Unauthorized Autobiography of George W. Bush

You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day

I Got Married If You Can Believe That