The Only Geek Humor Book You'll Ever Need Your first love was a Commodore 64. You are fluent in Elvish. Your perfect weekend involves World of Warcraft, Half-Life, and multiple viewings of Office Space. You've already booked your trip to next year's Comic-Con. You are a geek, and this is the book for you. Part reference, part satire, this hilarious guide from the genius behind BBspot.com simultaneously pokes fun at and celebrates every subject close to a geek's heart-from The Matrix to MacGyver, from Linux to Stan Lee. Covering the eight pillars of geek knowledge-science, literature, hardware, software, gaming, the Internet, TV, and movies-The BBook of Geek offers a Vulcan salute to geeks everywhere. Top 11 Reasons to Buy this BBook: 11. Secret code on page 42 unlocks the secret to life, the universe, and everything. 10. It has fewer pages than the average video card review. 9. There aren't wireless connections everywhere and you'll need something to read. 8. It is required reading for those wishing to participate in Web 3.0. 7. We promise no Ents will come after you for buying paper products. 6. It is the BBook you're looking for, move along, move along (to the cash register). 5. Loads more quickly than any page on the Internet. 4. Plenty of pictures with which to blackmail the author included at no extra charge. 3. Cthulhu waits for you to buy this BBook. 2. Like the Klingons say about this book, "It is a good day to buy" 1. Playing "Where's Brian" in the pictures is much easier than those Waldo books. NOTICE TO ALL READERS: PLEASE CAREFULLY READ THE FOLLOWING END READER LICENSE AGREEMENT. By picking up this book and reading this license, you have agreed to purchase this book. You may not put this book down under penalty of law until you have completed your purchase. Laughs are expected but not guaranteed by this agreement. Who knows, you could be some mirthless troll-should I be responsible for that? I mean, re

The BBook of Geek

Computers & Technology

Briggs, Brian

Computer Science

Rebel Base Books

Vampires: The 100% Bona Fide Totally Real And Not Made Up At All Truth In this day and age, the belief in vampires has been dwindling at an exponential rate. Those who still believe in them are often wildly misinformed. So what do you think will happen when Johnny McNormalpants finds himself face to face with a bloodthirsty vampire? Probably crap his pants, but then what? An informed citizen would know exactly what to do in this situation. If only there was some way to enlighten the public about this often forgotten subject, preferably in the form of a mock informative guide or something. From Matt Melvin, one of the creators of Explosm.net and the hit online comic Cyanide &amp; Happiness, comes Dracula Is A Racist, the definitive guide to vampires, answering those gravely important questions that keep you up at night . . . Was Dracula really a racist? How do vampires do their hair if they don't have any reflection? Is it gross for immortals to be attracted to high school girls if they're stuck in a 17-year-old body? Was Sesame Street ever truly safe from The Count? Is dressing in all black and acting snobby toward everyone enough to fake being a vampire? Just how much more badass are vampires than zombies? Dracula Is A Racist is the essential vampire handbook that digs up all the dirt and backs it up with hard vampirical evidence. That's totally true. Really. Matt Melvin is a 25-year-old T-shirt aficionado and sideburn enthusiast. Along with three other dudes, he runs Explosm.net, a pretty awesome website full of awesome things. When not adding even more filth to the Internet, he enjoys criticizing and complaining about movies, listening to music and inventing obscure types of niche sexual acts. He currently lives in San Diego. He is very tall.

Dracula Is a Racist

Humor & Entertainment

Melvin, Matt

Humor

Unleash Your Dark SideLet your ass-kicking side kill your ass-kissing side. Now is the time to be bad. Being good is for the afterlife. Learn the secrets that felons, cops and epic badasses have known for years. Rob a Bank Produce Porn Fake Your Death Pick a Lock Rob a Vending Machine Beat the Dice Acquire a Harem And much, much worse Embrace your Bad. Don't get caught. Christopher Lee Barish has experienced all degrees of being bad firsthand. During his mobile youth, he was indoctrinated in the art of career gambling and illegal crop growing, and he began to research other criminal activities out of personal and creative interest. The Book of Bad is the result of that research. Today he is a copy and concept director at an advertising agency in New York where he has won Webby awards for his copywriting and concepts. He lives in Nyack, New York. Christian Kunze is a freelance illustrator who specializes in advertising, character design and editorial illustration. He is an RISD grad who also pursues his love of fine art when not illustrating. He resides in Westchester, New York, with his delightful family. Chris has a habit a creating strange and unusual drawings when left to his own devices.

The Book of Bad

Christopher Lee Barish

Reference

""Olivia Geroux knew her king was reluctant to marry her, whatever the negotiations had arranged. But she never expected to find handsome, arrogant King Rowan obsessed with his stepsister instead. And before she can determine what course to take, she overhears her greatest ally plotting to murder the princess. Olivia must act quickly-and live with whatever chaos results. As the assassin hunts his prey, a magic mirror appears to show Olivia the three paths that open before her . . . If she hesitates only a moment, the princess will die-and she will become queen. If she calls for help, she will gain great power-but she must also thrust away her own happiness. If she runs to stop the murder herself, she will know love and contentment-but her whole country will suffer. As she lives out each path, her wits and courage will be tested as she fights to protect her people, her friends, and her heart. And deciding which to follow will be far from easy . . . A Choice Of Crowns New York Times bestselling author Barb Hendee reveals a world of ruthless desire, courtly intrigue, and compassion as one woman shapes the fate of a nation . . . ""

A Choice of Crowns (A Dark Glass Novel)

Literature & Fiction

Hendee, Barb

Genre Fiction

"Darkly engrossing, SINthetic shines a stark light on the age-old question, what does it mean to be human?" -Julie Kagawa, New York Times bestselling author The Artificial Evolution  They look like us. Act like us. Burrt they are not human. Created to perform the menial tasks real humans detest, Synths were designed with only a basic intelligence and minimal emotional response. It stands to reason that they have no rights. Like any technology, they are designed for human convenience. Disposable.  In the city of New Lyons, Detective Jason Campbell is investigating a vicious crime: a female body found mutilated and left in the streets. Once the victim is identified as a Synth, the crime is designated no more than the destruction of property, and Campbell is pulled from the case.  But when a mysterious stranger approaches Campbell and asks him to continue his investigation in secret, Campbell is dragged into a dark world of unimaginable corruption. One that leaves him questioning the true nature of humanity.  And what he discovers is only the beginning . . .

SINthetic (The New Lyons Sequence)

Nicholas, J.T.

""The Post-Modern Prometheus Synths were manufactured to look human and perform physical labor, but they were still only machines. That's what the people who used-and abused-them believed, until the truth was revealed: Synths are independent, sentient beings. Now, the governments of the world must either recognize their human nature and grant them their rightful freedom, or brace for a revolution. Former New Lyons Detective Jason Campbell has committed himself to the Synths' cause, willing to fight every army the human race marches against them. But they have an even greater enemy in Walton Biogenics, the syndicate behind the creation and distribution of the "artificial" humans. The company will stop at nothing to protect their secrets-and the near-mythological figure known to Synths as "The First," whose very existence threatens the balance of power across the world . . . Praise for SINthetic "Darkly engrossing, SINthetic shines a stark light on the age-old question, what does it mean to be human?"-Julie Kagawa, New York Times bestselling author ""

SINdicate (The New Lyons Sequence)

The Sickness unto Death The Synth revolution has come at last. The supposedly synthetic beings humans crafted to do their dirty work for them have fully actualized their own humanity-and they no longer acquiesce in their enslavement. Victory in the struggle to tear down the institutions of oppression seems just a matter of time. But the halls of power are not so easily shaken-and a counterstrike is inevitable. Former Detective Jason Campbell has pledged his life to the Synthetic cause. So when a mysterious virus starts wiping out Synths left and right-and shows signs of mutating to target everyone else-he must lead a race against time to prevent the outbreak of the most horrific plague the world has ever seen. If he succeeds, he'll expose the moral bankruptcy of the depraved elites who will stop at nothing to restore the old order. If he fails, it could mean the end of life on this planet. For both Synth and Human. Praise for SINthetic "Darkly engrossing, SINthetic shines a stark light on the age-old question, what does it mean to be human?"-Julie Kagawa, New York Times bestselling author

SINdrome (The New Lyons Sequence)

Welcome to Tandara, where gods are fickle, nightmares are real, and trolls make excellent bakers . . . Raine Stewart is convinced she'll die young and alone in Alabama, the victim of a chronic, mysterious illness. Until a man in a shabby cloak steps out of her mirror and demands her help to defeat a bloodthirsty wizard.  Raine shrugs it off as a hallucination-just one more insult from her failing body-and orders her intruder to take a hike. But the handsome figment of her imagination won't take no for an answer, and kidnaps her anyway, launching her into a world of utmost danger-and urgent purpose.  Ruled by unpredictable gods and unstable nations, Tandara is a land of shapeshifters and weather-workers, queens and legends. Ravenous monsters and greedy bounty hunters patrol unforgiving mountains. Riverboats pulled by sea-cattle trade down broad waterways. And creatures of nightmare stalk Raine herself, vicious in the pursuit of her blood.  But Raine isn't helpless or alone. She's part of a band as resourceful as it is odd: a mage-shy warrior, a tattered wizard, a tenderhearted giant, and a prickly troll sorceress. Her new friends swear she has powers of her own. If she can stay under their protection, she might just live long enough to find out . . .

A Meddle of Wizards

Science Fiction & Fantasy

Rushe, Alexandra

Fantasy

""What's a nice Southern girl doing in a place like this? Whisked from humdrum Alabama to the fantastical land of Tandara by a mage who won't take no for an answer, Raine Stewart finds herself tangled in a muddle of magic. A Dark Wizard is out for her blood, a demonic golem has orders to dispatch her . . . and she stinks at magic. Being a wizard, even a baby wizard, is harder than Raine thought. Raine and her companions find sanctuary amongst the famed warriors of the snow-capped nation of Finlara, and Raine is reunited with her dear friend, the frost giant Tiny Bartog. In short order, she unearths a magic mirror, a dread curse, and a tragic, ill-fated love affair. Safety, however, is an illusion. The dreaded Magog's Eye is still missing, and war looms. It seems an entire world hangs in the balance, waiting to see whether Raine will be able to harness her magic. But with a little help from her friends, she'll survive . . . she hopes. ""

A Muddle of Magic

"Harry's vision of an apocalyptic plague is as chilling as it is plausible. This masterful thriller will leave you terrified, enthralled, and desperate for the next entry in the series." -Kira Peikoff, author of No Time to Die and Die Again Tomorrow 
 "Like Crichton and H.G. Wells, Harry writes stories that entertain roundly while they explore questions of scientific and social import." -Publishers Weekly 
 Beginning Of The End
 They call it Pandoravirus. It attacks the brain. Anyone infected may explode in uncontrollable rage. Blind to pain, empty of emotion, the infected hunt and are hunted. They attack without warning and without mercy. Their numbers spread unchecked. There is no known cure. 
 Emma Miller studies diseases for a living-until she catches the virus. Now she's the one being studied by the U.S. government and by her twin sister, neuroscientist Isabel Miller. Rival factions debate whether to treat the infected like rabid animals to be put down, or victims deserving compassion. As Isabel fights for her sister's life, the infected are massing for an epic battle of survival. And it looks like Emm
 a is leading the way . . . "Harry has a first-rate speculative mind, well grounded in current science. The ideas he puts forth are extremely engaging." -Kirkus Reviews 
 "A good storyteller . . . harrowing stuff!"-The New York Times Book Review

Pandora: Outbreak (A Pandora Thriller)

Harry, Eric L.

United States

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