With a style that is simultaneously self-effacing and downright hilarious, Van Whitfield's Beeperless Remote is the cleverly told tale of one man who has been thrown into the dating pool and is struggling to get out. Meet Shawn Wayne. He's single, employed, hard-bodied, a former All-American, and looking for his ideal woman. Shawn may have an obsession with ESPN's "Sports Center," money, and going to the gym, but he's a good guy. According to his best friend, Kelly, however, he may have to "expand his universe" a little to find the right woman. Shawn's search for the woman of his dreams leads to dating misadventures ranging from nightmare blind dates and underage flings to encounters with married swingers. Held hostage by today's technology, where dating has become a complex web of answering machines and cell phones, he finds the rules have changed, and that he now has to contend with six different types of women:1s--"I just got out of a really bad relationship."2s--"I'm not interested in a relationship. I just have friends."3s--"What is it you said you do for a living?"4s--"Men are dogs."5s--"My biological clock is ticking. I need a man."6s--"I'm single, I'm available, and, yes, I'm interested."Will Shawn find his "6"? Read this hilarious Blackboard and Emerge bestseller and find out.

Beeperless Remote

Literature & Fiction

Whitfield, Van

Dramas & Plays

Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group

Van Whitfield's first novel, Beeperless Remote, originally published in paperback in 1996, was an underground sensation. Following its successful hardcover publication the following year, this Blackboard and Emerge bestseller placed Van Whitfield among the ranks of a cadre of young up-and-coming African-American male writers such as Omar Tyree and Eric Jerome Dickey. Now, in Something'S Wrong With Your Scale, Whitfield exercises his comedic flair in a universal tale of two people who meet and fall in love at a weight-loss center. Meet Sonny Walker, a thirty-something-Mr. Nice Guy who's found companionship and comfort with Marsha. The only problem is that he's become too comfortable. Weighing seventy-five pounds more than when the courtship first began, the newly food-obsessed Sonny just can't stay away from Marsha's marvelous pie, even in the middle of their breakup conversation. Determined to slim down and get his girlfriend back, Sonny joins the FutraSystem weight-loss center and meets potential love interest Kayla, as well as a host of other colorful characters. In a heartwarming tale that is alternately hilarious, wise, and ultimately self-affirming, Whitfield has created a thoroughly delicious and engaging novel sure to be enjoyed by those who have waged the battle of the bulge, or know someone who has.

Something's Wrong with your Scale

United States

DOUBLEDAY

The hilarious new work from Van Whitfield, writer-on-the rise and author of the Blackboard bestseller Beeperless Remote. In Something's Wrong with Your Scale, Van Whitfield introduces the likeable Sonny Walker, a thirty-something Mr. Nice Guy who's found companionship and comfort with Marsha. The only problem is that he's become too comfortable. Weighing seventy-five pounds more than when the courtship first began, the newly food-obsessed Sonny just can't stay away from Marsha's marvelous dishes, even in the middle of their breakup conversation. Determined to slim down and get his girlfriend back, Sonny joins the FutraSystem weight-loss center and meets potential love interest Kayla, as well as a host of other colorful characters. In a heartwarming tale that is alternately hilarious, wise, and ultimately self-affirming, Whitfield has created a thoroughly delicious and engaging novel sure to be enjoyed by those who have waged the battle of the bulge, or know someone who has.

Something's Wrong with Your Scale!: A Romantic Comedy

Humor & Satire

Anchor

Bestselling author Van Whitfield is back with another hilarious peek into the romantic lives of today’s everyday Joes. Readers across the country are discovering the marvelously original voice of Van Whitfield as he champions the romantic trials and tribulations of today’s everyman. In Guys in Suits, a laugh-out-loud expos? of how differently women treat blue-collar guys and white-collar “suitors,” Whitfield shines the spotlight on the desperate bus-driving Simon and his stockbroker best friend Stuart, D.C.’s consummate ladies’ man. Having just turned thirty, Simon is in search of his soul mate and determined to settle down. Stuart has different plans. He subscribes to the “Quintessential Male Manifesto,” the 60-day rule–a theory that suggestsmen are inherently bound to successfully coexist in relationships for just 60 days! Weeks 1—2 are the “Glory Days,” when a man actually looks forward to “communicating” with a potential mate. Weeks 2—4 are known as the “Realm of Reality,” the period in which the gloss wears off. The “Prozac Period,” weeks 5—6, is a time of high anxiety because the woman thinks she’s found Mr. RightÉbut the guy knows he’s in too deep. And the “Dawn of Destruction,” the final era of the 60-day rule, is when the guy is ready to bail, but unfortunately, the woman isn’t! As Simon and Stuart’s annual New Year’s Eve investment group vacation approaches (with their two “happily” married buddies and their wives, no less) they’re in a mad dash to find dates. As the deadline for this fun-in-the-sun extravaganza approaches both Simon and Stuart have met potential Ms. Rights and are confident that for the first time, they’ll take their dream dates on their annual island getaway. Everything looks good, but just before the tickets are booked a staggering discovery threatens to upset Simon and Stuart’s seemingly perfect plan. With all the laughs and hubris of a sweet old-fashioned comedy, Van Whitfield takes readers on a madcap romp through the rocky terrain of today’s relationships.

Guys in Suits: A Novel

A group of friends try to make sense of love and life in the new millennium in this hilarious novel from Van Whitfield, author of Something’s Wrong with Your Scale! and Beeperless Remote. After years of disappointment, Simon Washington has grown tired of the Washington, DC, dating scene. He’s desperately looking for a wife when he runs into his first love and determines to regain her affections. Meanwhile, Simon’s best friend Stuart Worthington is doing his best not to settle down when he also rekindles a relationship with an ex-girlfriend. As it happens, both friends are in immediate need of dates for their annual New Year’s vacation. With the clock ticking and their tickets waiting, Stuart and Simon lay plans to convince these old flames to accompany them, only to have a shocking revelation threaten everything at the last minute. With its page-turning plot and hilarious insights, Guys in Suits is a delightful novel that shines a spotlight on the imperfections of men, the enigmas of women, and the perils they both face in the quest to find someone right.

Guys in Suits

Single guy Shawn Wayne has a problem . . . actually he has three problems: (1) His girlfriend, a no-nonsense TV star named Dawn, expects the New Year’s broadcast of her new BET talk show to produce a long-awaited proposal from Shawn. (2) His “sort-of” ex-girlfriend, the shapely and seductive Troi, announces that she’s pregnant and coming to be with Shawn in Washington, D.C. (3) Shawn doesn't know if the baby is his, though he would never deny it, and now he must decide if he should tell Dawn about the baby. He simply can’t afford to risk losing his one and only soul mate without first knowing he is, indeed, the father. Shawn’s embarrassing, nationally televised confession is the centerpiece of this much-anticipated follow-up to Van Whitfield's smash debut romantic comedy, Beeperless Remote. Taking an uncompromising and revealing look at the state of black fatherhood, this hilarious new novel includes the Official “Baby Mama” Checklist, the Why Men Are Lost Quotient, and the What It Takes to Be a Dad Inventory. With Whitfield's trademarked witty, fast-paced style, Dad Interrupted brings back Donnie, the recovering crack addict who now works as a drug counselor; Kelly, whose crush on Shawn may finally be realized; and Shawn’s lovable parents, who spin their special brand of wisdom from the great beyond. Everybody has a take on what Shawn should do and, more importantly, who he should do it with . . . Dawn or Troi.

Dad Interrupted: A Novel

Harlem Moon

Single, employed, former All-American Shawn Wayne is searching for his ideal woman after a ten-year hiatus from the dating world, and so, armed with technical accoutrements sure to impress, he ventures forth--only to find that the rules have changed

Beeperless Remote: A Guy, Some Girls and His Answering Machine

Pines One Pubns

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Books by Whitfield, Van