An Englishman, a French woman -- and a whole lot of merde... The hilarious new novel from the bestselling author of 1000 Years of Annoying the French. Englishman Paul West is living the Parisian dream, and doing his best not to annoy the French. But things have been going very wrong: His apartment is so small that he has to cut his baguettes in two to fit them in the kitchen. His research into authentic French cuisine is about to cause a national strike. And Paul's gorgeous ex-girlfriend seems to be stalking him. Threatened with eviction, unemployment and bankruptcy, Paul realises that his personal merde factor is about to hit the fan.

Merde Factor EXPORT

STEPHEN CLARKE

Arrow Books, Ltd.

Paul West, a young Englishman, arrives in Paris to start a new job - and finds out what the French are really like They do eat a lot of cheese, some of which smells like pigs' droppings. They don't wash their armpits with garlic soap. Going on strike really is the second national participation sport after petanque. And, yes, they do use suppositories In his first novel, Stephen Clarke gives a laugh-out-loud account of the pleasures and perils of being a Brit in France. Less quaint than A Year in Provence, less chocolatey than Chocolat, A Year in the Merde will tell you how to get served by the grumpiest Parisian waiter; how to make perfect vinaigrette every time; how to make amour - not war; and how not to buy a house in the French countryside

A Year In The Merde (Paul West)

Humor & Entertainment

Black Swan.

A year after arriving in France, Englishman Paul West is still struggling with some fundamental questions: What is the best way to scare a gendarme? Why are there no health warnings on French nudist beaches? And is it really polite to sleep with your boss' mistress? Paul opens his English tea room, and mutates (temporarily) into a Parisian waiter; samples the pleasures of typically French hotel-room afternoons; and, on a return visit to the UK, sees the full horror of a British office party through Parisian eyes. Meanwhile, he continues his search for the perfect French mademoiselle. But will Paul find l'amour eternel, or will it all end in merde? In his second comedy of errors, Paul West continues to sabotage the entente cordiale. Author's apology: "I'd just like to say sorry to all the suppository fans out there, because in this book there are no suppositories. There are, however, lots of courgettes, and I see this as progress. Suppositories to courgettes - I think it proves that I'm developing as a writer." Stephen Clarke.

Merde Actually

Literature & Fiction

Genre Fiction

Transworld Paperbacks

After his disastrous American adventures, Paul West is back in France, and this time he’ll be kicking up merde all along the Cote d’Azur. Hooking up with an English girl nicknamed M that he met in Vegas, it’s a peaceful working holiday—at first. Suddenly, M becomes secretive, going off to meetings and overreacting to questions about her whereabouts. Then, a bombshell. While M is at one of her meetings, Paul is told that she is not who she seems to be. That she is involved in a plot so sinister that she and Paul’s every move has been watched since they arrived. And if Paul doesn’t agree to stick with M and find out who she’s working for, then he’s going to prison for a long, long time as an accomplice. Suddenly the Cote d’Azur doesn’t feel quite so sunny…

DIAL M FOR MERDE [B]

Humor & Satire

After his disastrous American adventures, Paul West is back in France, and this time he’ll be kicking up merde all along the Cote d’Azur. Hooking up with an English girl nicknamed M that he met in Vegas, it’s a peaceful working holiday—at first. Suddenly, M becomes secretive, going off to meetings and overreacting to questions about her whereabouts. Then, a bombshell. While M is at one of her meetings, Paul is told that she is not who she seems to be. That she is involved in a plot so sinister that she and Paul’s every move has been watched since they arrived. And if Paul doesn’t agree to stick with M and find out who she’s working for, then he’s going to prison for a long, long time as an accomplice. Suddenly the Cote d’Azur doesn’t feel quite so sunny…

Dial M For Merde

MERDE HAPPENS [B]

Contemporary

Talk To Snail

Humor

What if teleportation was really possible? Englishman Richie Fisher is about to find out â€¦ Richie and his wife Clara have won a weekend in New York in a newspaper competition. While Clara is off blowing their spending money, Richie wanders aimlessly, chewing on a veggie-burger, ending up in a gift-shop where he finds himself standing in front of an instant transporter machine. It looks nothing like the open-plan teleporter on Captain Kirkâ€™s Starship Enterprise; in fact, it seems more like a glorified microwave oven.Richie places his burger inside, hits the return key on the linked-up computer - and the burger disappears. But if he can teleport a half-eaten veggie-burger, what else could you do with the machine? For criminals, the possibilities are endless. Who could catch you if you beamed drugs into nostrils a hundred miles away? And how much would illegal immigrants pay to be teleported into the rich host country of their choice? Richie buys a teleporter and takes it back to England, where the chaos begins ...

A Brief History Of Future

What if teleportation was really possible? Englishman Richie Fisher is about to find out...Richie and his wife Clara have won a weekend in New York in a newspaper competition. While Clara is off blowing their spending money, Richie wanders aimlessly, chewing on a veggie-burger, ending up in a gift-shop where he finds himself standing in front of an instant transporter machine. It looks nothing like the open-plan teleporter on Captain Kirk's Starship Enterprise; in fact, it seems more like a glorified microwave oven. Richie places his burger inside, hits the return key on the linked-up computer - and the burger disappears. But if he can teleport a half-eaten veggie-burger, what else could you do with the machine?  For criminals, the possibilities are endless. Who could catch you if you beamed drugs into nostrils a hundred miles away? And how much would illegal immigrants pay to be teleported into the rich host country of their choice? Richie buys a teleporter and takes it back to England, where the chaos begins ...

Brief History of the Future

Science Fiction & Fantasy

Science Fiction

Black Swan Books, Limited

Paul West is in deep financial merde. His only way out of debt is to accept a decidedly dodgy job that involves him crossing the USA in a Mini, while pretending to be typically British. Adding to the crush in the car is Paul's French girlfriend, Alexa, and his American poet friend Jake whose main aim in life is to sleep with a woman from every country in the world. Preferably in the back of Paul's Mini. But as the little car battles from New York to Miami, and then heads west, legroom turns out to be the least of Paul's troubles. His work is being sabotaged, his tour plans are in tatters, and his love life becomes a Franco-American war zone. And as Paul knows better than anyone, when you mix love and war - merde happens ...

Merde Happens

Bantam]

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