An Englishman, a French woman -- and a whole lot of merde... The hilarious new novel from the bestselling author of 1000 Years of Annoying the French. Englishman Paul West is living the Parisian dream, and doing his best not to annoy the French. But things have been going very wrong: His apartment is so small that he has to cut his baguettes in two to fit them in the kitchen. His research into authentic French cuisine is about to cause a national strike. And Paul's gorgeous ex-girlfriend seems to be stalking him. Threatened with eviction, unemployment and bankruptcy, Paul realises that his personal merde factor is about to hit the fan.

Merde Factor EXPORT

STEPHEN CLARKE

RANDOM HOUSE UK

Paul West, a young Englishman, arrives in Paris to start a new job - and finds out what the French are really like They do eat a lot of cheese, some of which smells like pigs' droppings. They don't wash their armpits with garlic soap. Going on strike really is the second national participation sport after petanque. And, yes, they do use suppositories In his first novel, Stephen Clarke gives a laugh-out-loud account of the pleasures and perils of being a Brit in France. Less quaint than A Year in Provence, less chocolatey than Chocolat, A Year in the Merde will tell you how to get served by the grumpiest Parisian waiter; how to make perfect vinaigrette every time; how to make amour - not war; and how not to buy a house in the French countryside

A Year in the Merde

Literature & Fiction

Humor & Satire

Penguin

After his disastrous American adventures, Paul West is back in France, and this time he’ll be kicking up merde all along the Cote d’Azur. Hooking up with an English girl nicknamed M that he met in Vegas, it’s a peaceful working holiday—at first. Suddenly, M becomes secretive, going off to meetings and overreacting to questions about her whereabouts. Then, a bombshell. While M is at one of her meetings, Paul is told that she is not who she seems to be. That she is involved in a plot so sinister that she and Paul’s every move has been watched since they arrived. And if Paul doesn’t agree to stick with M and find out who she’s working for, then he’s going to prison for a long, long time as an accomplice. Suddenly the Cote d’Azur doesn’t feel quite so sunny…

DIAL M FOR MERDE [B]

Black Swan.

After his disastrous American adventures, Paul West is back in France, and this time he’ll be kicking up merde all along the Cote d’Azur. Hooking up with an English girl nicknamed M that he met in Vegas, it’s a peaceful working holiday—at first. Suddenly, M becomes secretive, going off to meetings and overreacting to questions about her whereabouts. Then, a bombshell. While M is at one of her meetings, Paul is told that she is not who she seems to be. That she is involved in a plot so sinister that she and Paul’s every move has been watched since they arrived. And if Paul doesn’t agree to stick with M and find out who she’s working for, then he’s going to prison for a long, long time as an accomplice. Suddenly the Cote d’Azur doesn’t feel quite so sunny…

Dial M For Merde

Genre Fiction

MERDE HAPPENS [B]

Contemporary

Talk To Snail

Humor & Entertainment

Humor

What if teleportation was really possible? Englishman Richie Fisher is about to find out â€¦ Richie and his wife Clara have won a weekend in New York in a newspaper competition. While Clara is off blowing their spending money, Richie wanders aimlessly, chewing on a veggie-burger, ending up in a gift-shop where he finds himself standing in front of an instant transporter machine. It looks nothing like the open-plan teleporter on Captain Kirkâ€™s Starship Enterprise; in fact, it seems more like a glorified microwave oven.Richie places his burger inside, hits the return key on the linked-up computer - and the burger disappears. But if he can teleport a half-eaten veggie-burger, what else could you do with the machine? For criminals, the possibilities are endless. Who could catch you if you beamed drugs into nostrils a hundred miles away? And how much would illegal immigrants pay to be teleported into the rich host country of their choice? Richie buys a teleporter and takes it back to England, where the chaos begins ...

A Brief History Of Future

What if teleportation was really possible? Englishman Richie Fisher is about to find out...Richie and his wife Clara have won a weekend in New York in a newspaper competition. While Clara is off blowing their spending money, Richie wanders aimlessly, chewing on a veggie-burger, ending up in a gift-shop where he finds himself standing in front of an instant transporter machine. It looks nothing like the open-plan teleporter on Captain Kirk's Starship Enterprise; in fact, it seems more like a glorified microwave oven. Richie places his burger inside, hits the return key on the linked-up computer - and the burger disappears. But if he can teleport a half-eaten veggie-burger, what else could you do with the machine?  For criminals, the possibilities are endless. Who could catch you if you beamed drugs into nostrils a hundred miles away? And how much would illegal immigrants pay to be teleported into the rich host country of their choice? Richie buys a teleporter and takes it back to England, where the chaos begins ...

Brief History of the Future

Science Fiction & Fantasy

Science Fiction

Black Swan Books, Limited

Paul West is in deep financial merde. His only way out of debt is to accept a decidedly dodgy job that involves him crossing the USA in a Mini, while pretending to be typically British. Adding to the crush in the car is Paul's French girlfriend, Alexa, and his American poet friend Jake whose main aim in life is to sleep with a woman from every country in the world. Preferably in the back of Paul's Mini. But as the little car battles from New York to Miami, and then heads west, legroom turns out to be the least of Paul's troubles. His work is being sabotaged, his tour plans are in tatters, and his love life becomes a Franco-American war zone. And as Paul knows better than anyone, when you mix love and war - merde happens ...

Merde Happens

Bantam]

1000 Years of Annoying the French

Was the Battle of Hastings a French victory? No! William the Conqueror was Norman and hated the French. Were the Brits really responsible for the death of Joan of Arc? No! The French sentenced her to death for wearing trousers. Was the guillotine a French invention? No! It was invented in Yorkshire. Ten centuries' worth of French historical 'facts' bite the dust as Stephen Clarke looks at what has really been going on since 1066.

Transworld Publishers, Ltd

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